I didn't really do anything today. I checked out job listings on craigslist, I called two potential employers, and I e-mailed a job resume. I read some bar exam related stuff about preparation, not really substance. As a matter of fact, I have yet to really study. I'm so uncertain as to my job and study plans.
I don't really know how to describe my feelings. I am a person of serious faith. I consider myself to be very spiritual, though not religious. I keep my language clean especially in the presence of others. But I can tell you, since recieiving the news of my second bar exam failure, I have unleashed a serious fusillade of expletives. I believe I have cussed more in the past eleven to twelve days than I have in the past five years.
I am not one who really succumbs to depression, but I took a nap during the day today which I rarely ever do. When I am alone, in silence, or in bed, all I keep thinking about are the problems I missed. I keep wondering what I need to change. I keep thinking to myself, "[w]hy can't I just be better? I need to be better. I have to change."
I NEED TO CHANGE. G-d will not change. The Universe will not change. My circumstances will not change. I NEED TO CHANGE. I must be better. How can I be better? What is the next step? Where can I find the answer to this question?
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