Letting go is key to getting over frustration

     I woke up this morning thinking, as I usually do.  The focus of those thoughts was "letting go." I tried to make my study schedule last night.  All I could think about was my disgust for this situation, my disdain for my seeming ineptitude to achieve this goal, and the frustration and pain I have forced myself into by having have failed this exam twice now.

     At one point, I used to believe everything would work out in my favor.  I believed if I was in line with the will of G-d, things would eventually work out in my favor.  I honestly don't know of such things any longer nor do I possess the certainty I once had.  Long gone from my memories are the days, if any, where I recall things working out for me in a good way.
   
    I used to be able to [look at the cup as being half full]. I acknowledge the fickleness of man and how easily man forgets.  In  the past, I would look to others who suffered and understand how fortunate I was.  Even such a tactic now only has a minimal effect.  I don't seek pity, nor do I seek consolation.  I seek release from this burden.  This predicament has me filled with so much regret about life and this "career path."  I am afraid that it could get worse.  My life has been stagnant and devoid of growth.  Something will have to give.  It cannot be like this forever.

    Despite all of this, I recognize LIFE IS FAIR.  The same rules do not necessarily apply for all.  What works for some might not work for others and vice versa, yet life is fair.  There is always a point or some points we can look back to which will make our difficult predicaments understandable.   I often say "[l]ife is a combination of personal choices."  Actually seeing it written out makes it seem lacking.  Maybe its a combination of personal choices and "curveballs."

     Anyhow, last night I googled "how to let go of frustration."  I came across an article on the subject and this was the first couple of sentences:

"Anger and frustration are caused by an insistence that the world or other people conform to your wishes. The art of going beyond anger and frustration lies in learning to let go and flow with the natural unfolding of life and in developing a spiritual perspective which reveals that life is precisely as it needs to be at every moment."

     I full heartedly agree. I acknowledge my self centeredness and my former inability to see "outside of the box."  I wrote "Flow" on the palm of my hand today as a reminder.  I don't know why I am going through this; I can't figure out how to look at this as a positive; nor do I understand the purpose of all the lost time.  But I can't avoid the situation.  I have invested too much to quit for this go around.

    Everything has its place in the universe.  Presently, this is mine.  This will evolve, this pain from this situation.  It will either become cancerous and cantankerous promoting bitterness, frustration, rancor, and anxiety, inter alia; or it can become something I learn from, which I can move on from and possibly help others.  I personally choose the latter. 
  
     I am not the only one to have faced this situation.  I don't want this to become my defining moment in life. How much more can I be stretched?  How much more will I have to shoulder dissapointment, failure, and the resulting heartache? I do not want this to be the one straw that broke the camel's back.  But note, "[w]hile the one straw broke the camel's back here's the secret; there's a million other straws underneath it.  It's all mathematics." -Mos Def-