Failing the Bar Exam by 40 points then passing

     I came across this post on the studyfor.com bar exam forum.  It is very inspirational.  The initial poster is asking if he/she is an idiot because they failed the bar exam.  The next poster responded by giving an account by another bar taker.  Here it is:

[Post Title by Initial Poster] "I failed my Ohio Bar, am I an idiot?"

Initial Poster: I hear people failing CA bar and NY bar all the time, but I failed Ohio bar exam!!!! what should I do?


Responder: no, you are not


here is a nice failing story I read online by an anonymous

i would like to let everyone know whose failed the bar exam by more than 40 points that it's still possible to pass. let me explain.

i failed the july '06 ohio bar exam by just more than 40 points (see my post, OH! in ohio, on 10/30/06). having failed by so much, and knowing that i would only have 6 weeks to study the second time around, i figured i was doomed. i realized that i had to make dramatic changes to my study approach before tackling the bar again.

i started by telling my employer that i absolutely needed 6 weeks to study. my employer understood, and i then purchased the barbri home-study course along with thousands of blank notecards.

i formed and stuck by a very regimented study plan for those 6 weeks. i would from 7:30-11:30, take a 1.5 hour break for working out and lunch, study from 1-6, take and hour dinner, and then study from 7 to 9. i kept this routine every day (no kidding!) for the entire 6 weeks.

as for the nitty gritty details of studying, i started by making outlines for every subject tested. i only watched dvd lectures for those subjects which i hadn't taken in law school (5 of them) or had bombed royally on the july exam.

after about 1.5 weeks of making outlines, i would do 100 mbe questions each morning and then thoroughly review the ones i missed. in the afternoon, i would make flashcards based off of my outlines and then memorize the law the rest of the day. i repeated this cycle until there were about 2.5 weeks until the exam.

with about 2.5 weeks remaining, i continued with 100 mbe questions in the mornings. in the afternoons, i would do about 6-10 practice essays. in the evening, i would review my flashcards.

i continued this cycle until the weekend prior to the bar, when i then spent 3 days practicing MPTs.

i actually ended up getting sick the night before the bar exam and for the duration of the test. i just powered through the exam, though, motivated by fear, anxiety, whatever.

when the exam was finished, i felt much better than i did in july, but still no certain that i passed. well, just three days ago, i learned that i passed by a whopping 3.5 points! it turns out that i bombed the mbe (a 131) but did well on the written portions.

in hindsight, i feel the most helpful component of my studying was the flashcards. when i was writing the essays, i had the black letter at the tip of fingers and scribbled out everything i knew, even if i didn't know the exact rule the answer was looking for. i just tried to show the examiners that i knew the buzz words, the general concepts, etc.

so, i really want to first say how grateful i am for this blog. i've read it regularly since taking the bar in february, and have found much comfort and reassurance in doing so.

i really think the key to passing the bar is simply putting in the time, staying focused, and keeping a positive attitude. i don't think i need to tell everyone what a giant relief it is to finally have passed this hurdle. know that if you stay focused, persistent, and optimistic, you will pass the bar.

best to everyone!!

     This examinee seems to be referring to scaled points as opposed to raw points. The perseverance is admirable.  This person just attacked their studies with intensity.  This kind of turn around for a self studier is astounding.  I hope this will help someone out, because it has done so for me.

Re-motivated

     I have been suffering from a loss of motivation.  But, I have regained some perspective and motivation. My family believes in me and is supporting me all the way.  I haven't really been able to appreciate it until now.

     My family is pretty large, and one or several of my family member offer me encouraging words everyday. I haven't really been willing to listen. What really made this set in was this car I have and a credit card bill.  I have a car I bought a few months ago and it was in the shop getting repaired. I also had a pretty large credit card bill. 

    My economic situation is to the point where I had to leave the car at the mechanics because I was short on cash.  The credit card bill was also rather mountainous.  My family helped me to handle both of these things.  I didn't deserve it. I didn't ask for. I'm nowhere near perfect. Despite any of that, they love me, believe in me, and support me (even when my self belief was waning).

     I have to make the most of this opportunity.  Yes, the opportunity still exists. I don't want to let them down by giving a porous effort.  I have to fight and If I go down again, that is the only way I will go down. If nothing else, I am a fighter and have been all of my life.  It is the only way I know how to conduct myself.  I owe them some much thanks and gratitude.  To them, I am truly indebted.

5 Stages of Death and the Bar Exam

     How is that for a dramatic title?  I love the show "House: M.D."  The main character, Dr. House, discussed this particular phrase during an episode.  I don't quite recall who or why he was using it.  The phrase is also know as the five stages of grief; the five stages of loss; or the Kübler-Ross model.  It is a pretty well known concept.  What well known thing would be complete without a Wikipedia page? 

     The five stages of death progresses in this order:

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining 
4. Depression 
5. Acceptance

     I have been thinking about the five stages of death and how it relates to the bar exam.  I believe I have gone through a similar progression each time I failed the Bar exam and during other times in my life. It is okay to grieve. It is a natural human emotion. By no means do I aspire to a philosophy of Stoicism. I need to process and deal with things properly, instead of hiding them away until they eventually boil over. But that does not mean I seek confrontation.

   Here are some specific examples of how I went through the stages:



Denial?

     I guess the denial came into play when I got the failure letters.  Both times, I quintuple-checked my applicant number to see if it correctly matched the failing results released on the computer.  I was even praying my results on the computer were incorrect, and that somehow I would get a passing grade via mail.

     Anger?
    
     I was mad at was myself.  The first time, I was so mad I wasted time attending all those Bar/bri lectures.  It was poor usage of time for me as learning goes.  Many of my friends felt the same way about the lectures.  The difference is, they had the courage to stop going and they passed.  I beat myself up figuratively for not being smart enough, not pulling all nighters, et cetera. I complained about all the money I spent on hotels, gas, food and the likes.  I didn't mean to complain really. I know some of that is incidental and unavoidable.

    Bargaining? 

     I begged G-d to cut me some slack and to free me from the bondage of Murphy's law.  I am not quite sure he heard that.  I'm still waiting.  In fact, it seems like I've been waiting all my life for that one.

    Depression

     That's easy.  This scenario has turned out to be the Bar Exam version of "Groundhog's day" with Bill Murray.  I have been reading the same books, answering the same problems or types of problems, and going to the same places to study.  I have been having the same conversations about the same subjects.  I have heard the same awkward pleasantries, cliches, and trite phrases from the same sets of people now for the past year now.  The difference is that it is a lot harder to remeber why I am doing this as each day passes.  Motivation is easy lose when life keeps throwing the same right hand upper-cut; breaking the same nose in the same spot; and stabbing the brain with that same exact nose bone.

     Acceptance

    I think I hit acceptance today or at some recent point.  It just comes eventually.  It is that point where you pick yourself up by the "boot straps" so to speak and you prepare yourself to try again.  Even if I don't know what the future holds, I know what my past tells me.  My past tells me I am a fighter and I will not give up with out a fight.
    My mother told me she has never seen me so disappointed over something for such a long period of time.  She is right.  To give you a general idea, I used to be the ever-optimist.  I am usually the one my friends, acquaintances, and peers turn to when they are looking for words of encouragement.  But, I haven't been that person for quite some time now.

     Where did I go wrong?  I never properly grieved. I let the bar exam consume me.  It has changed who I am as of late.  It has stolen the joy from my life, or what semblance of a life I had.  All I do is study, and when I don't study I think about how I should be studying.  I have been fairly depressed for a long time.

     I can't let this thing, this ordeal, control my life.  It isn't worth it to me.  I'll do what I can within reason, but not if it is a cause for me to lose my self.  I have suffered so many doubts and set backs this past couple of months.  I need to stop talking about making a move, and just do it.  This is a far cry from the younger man who would count his blessings every day he got out of bed to attend law classes during the first semester of law school. I don't know if I'll ever be him again, but I at least need to hit a middle ground.  We all have blessings to count, just ask those people in Haiti suffering from an outbreak of Cholera.

Never be afraid to ask for help. Be resourceful.

      I have never considered myself to be a prideful person.  I need help to pass the bar exam, so I am willing to do whatever I must within reason of course.  I contaced an old dean of mine from the Law School I attended. She is a member of the board of bar examiners and an exam guru of sorts. I scanned and emailed her my essays from the first bar exam I failed.

     Those essay are not my finest, so I can't say I was thrilled to e-mail them to her.  But, if it will help then it will be worth any embarassment or criticism I will have to take.  Several of my friends attributed their passing solely to her tutelage. She is a very meticulous and formulaic person who was built for rules, codes and all things academic.  I had her for 3 lectures, so I know first hand.

      Being resourceful is a great attribute.  As a repeater, it may be a great idea to contact old professors, deans, and/or classmates. Several of my classmates, have offered me their updated bar materials at no charge (probably out of pity, but I will still take it).  A Judicial assistant I interned for has offered to help me with essays.  And now, the dean is offering me suggestions as well.  But I never would have known unless I asked.

      I'm not generally in the habit of asking for help.  However, my friend painted the scenario for me in this light.  My law schools has an interest in me passing the exam because it is a reflection on them of a sort (his words, not mine).  As a repeater I certainly have an interest in passing to commence a legal career and to possibly support my law schools as an alumnus.  So it is a win-win for all involved.   I don't want to make the mistake of thinking "nobody cares."  There is help available.  I just have to be willing to seek it and accept it.

Virtue of Failure

     I received a phone call from a relative minutes ago.  He is attempting to get into "Top" schools for an M.B.A.  He has taken the G.R.E. several times and he has competitive scores, but he is seeking to get "surefire" scores, the 90th percentile kind.  He said something interesting.  He needs to do this because this will ensure he is ready for the next couple of years.  I assumed he meant taking the test or receiving the desired test score.

     I curiously replied, "[s]o you think a test will tell you all of that?" My relative responded saying, "[w]ell, not so much the test but the preparation for the test.  If I can do this properly, I will be ready for the next couple of years." I thought about my situation in light of what he said.  This is undoubtedly the most difficult academic endeavor I have had to face.  I have failed miserably. However, if I can get through this, I will be better off for it.  If I don't, I will still be better off either way as long as I can extract the value from my limitations and experiences.

Same old Sob story

     This is a rehash of a comment I made on a blog titled "Amicus Curiae."   The particular entry was appropriately titled, "So you failed the bar exam. . .now what?".  Someone thought my post was well written and interesting.  I'm not sure if it's true.  But just in case, I thought I would repost it here.  It's nothing new. It's just me complaining again, which I refuse to do anymore.  I posted this before I started blogging. Without further ado, here it is:

(Anonymous) wrote:


Sep. 29th, 2010 04:54 pm (UTC)

Two time failee here.

I didn't hate Law school. I didn't go to Law School to make Millions (although I was hoping to be able to eventually pay off my loans). I went because I thought it was the way to hone the "skills" I supposedly had. I enjoyed learning the law and reading cases, with exceptions of course. I did all this stuff: Moot court, mock trial, clerking for a judge, honor council, to build my "skills." (*I am laughing inside and out right now*).

Nonetheless, I only finished in the top half of a tier 4 school. For me, Law School bred alot of heartache, self-doubt, tears, and numbness (not in the sense of complete apathy but in the sense of a coping mechanism). It was a mighty struggle.

I graduated a semester early so that I could get a "head start" on my career and "knock this bar exam out." I took Bar/Bri and went through the motions. I never missed one class and I struggled, but did my best to keep up with the Pace program (which I was not able to, but I really tried). I Isolated myself to give it my all. But before I had done that, I was working on my resume and had recommendations lined up from a Dean, a professor, a judge. (*I'm lauging again*). Needless to say, i failed. I had so convinced myself If I put in the time, things would just fall into place. This seems to be the case, for everybody else. This was not the case for me.

So I took it again. I studied on my own. I did what i could. I had the unfortunate occurrence that completely occupied my time for the week and 1/2 preceding the exam. I didn't really have a choice. Needless, to say I failed a second time.

I "work" unsteadily for a "lawyer." He hired me as an independent contractor to save himself money meaning I am responsible for my own taxes. He is paying me $11 per hour. He lets me work when he feels like it. I don't resent him. This is business. Needless to say if a better offer came up, I would leave without regret. I am a file clerk.

My loans have began to go in to Collections. I live with my Grandparents. I owe $158,000+ in school loans (in addition to another $12,000 plus in credit card debt.

The endless barrage of Cliches from freinds and family has certainly not helped nor made me feel any better (although I would probably be saying the same types of things like "everything happens for a reason" blah blah blah).

As much as I know this is not a direct correlation of my intelligence, how do I avoid not feeling "Dumb"? How can I avoid the Self loathing?

Although I didn't hate lawschool, the best thing about is that it is over with. I didn't really envision this scenario where I would be $180 K in debt with no serious or even decent job.

I feel like "[t]he matrix has got [me]." I'm trapped. I have gone too far to quit. I can't think of any other viable options. But I don't know what my next step is. Is it possible to take back the day you were born?

Although, the bar exam may not indicate what kind of attorney you will be, it relates to the legal profession in the sense that it tests your ability to manage your study time and your exam time. (Not that I am one) but from what I am told, if you want to be a lawyer you will need to manage your time effectively (like most things in life). If nothing else, the bar exam will test this.
People often complain about the unfairness of life. LIFE IS FAIR! It may be cruel at times, but rest assured it is fair. I have been rattling off more expletives in the past 8 days then I have probably in the past 5 years or so of my life. I feel helpless, hopeless, inter alia. I've turned into "that guy" that fails bar exams, the guy everybody shuttered at even thinking about. I feel like ATLAS carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders and everytime someone pats me on the back to try to comfort me, they are only making this weight worse.
Had I the foresight to know that this was possible I would never have fought so hard to go to Law School. What do I have to show for my my struggle, my heartache, and my work? Nearly 1/5 of a million dollars in debt. People keeps saying it will be alright, but that is the same thing they said last time and it is not alright.
I want to stop complaining but I feel so devoid of hope. I don't really know how to change my situation. How do I shift my paradigm? How do i break out of my conundrum? Its a catch-22. If I don't take the test I'm a quitter who just threw away 3 (4 1/2) years of my life (or I can chalk it up to a moral victory/failure depending on whose point of view). I can keep taking the test and incurring further debt while i shun off working or finding an alternative career.

Unlike most of you here, and most of the people I went to school with. I am used to failure. I'm not okay with it but i am no stranger to failure. IT IS FAR BETTER TO BE A FAILURE THEN TO BE AFRAID TO TRY OR FAIL!!! For those who do fail at some point, success holds much more value.

I will end my rant with this. I know that something needs to change for me to pass. Its not G-d, its not the test, its not the universe or the stars or whatever else people may attribute their failures to. Change starts with me, and me alone.

Waking up with a fresh perspective

      I actually woke up with the most perspicaciousness I have had in a while.  *****Note: I read that word in the Robert Ludlum's The Bourne Identity, and I've been itching to use it ever since*****  Last night, I read a comment which I had written in response to a post written on a blog titled Amicus Curiae. The entry was titled "So you failed the bar exam . . . now what?"  About 25 + people chimed in with sob stories about their failures, the ensuing stress, the bleakness of job prospects, and the crushing financial burdens.  One poster read my comment (which I'll post next) and compleminted me on my writing.  It almost made me smile, because I rarely heard that in law school. I certainly never heard it from my legal writing professor.

     The young lady then told her story.  It was nightmarish.  The lady graduated from a top school in New York around '99.  Her father was dying around that time.  So after her graduation, she went back to the mid-west to spend time with her father before he passed away.
    
     She went back to New York, took a review course, and studied for the next two months.  However, when the day of exam came she never took it.  She later suffered a miscarriage.  She registered for the next 20 or so exam administrations and most, if not all, of the bar courses one could think of.  Nevertheless, she was never able to physically bring herself to sit for the exam.

    Finally, during one of the '09 administrations, the young lady dug deep and found the courage necessary to take the exam.  She brought herself to the exam center where she sat and awaited the beginning of the exam administration.  Tragically, during the exam she fainted.  She had to be carried out of the exam to be physically examined.  She didn't go back for the next day.  Now, she is registered for the New York bar once more, hoping things will be different, that things will work out for her.

     After reading that, I couldn't help but reflect.  My situation is not worth complaining about.  I can't beat that.  She has so much trauma tied into her taking that exam.  I hope she makes it.  When she does, she will cherish her license more than most people would even be capable of doing.  She will be stronger for it.  I wish her the best.

     Her story made me reflect on how the world does not revolve around me.  I'm not the only one dealing with Bar exam issues.  I should be thankful I am not dying of some terminal illness; my family loves me; my friends love me and accept me for who I am; etc. . . I need to buckle down and fight the fight. I need to be thankful for life.